Thoughts.RandomAss

You know those people who are all, "If aliens ever came to this planet, they'd think dogs were the rulers because we walk behind them and pick up their poop!", ?

I hate those people.

HOWTO.GetIntoSoccer.Part1

NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARTICLE IS INTENDED FOR AMERICANS (AKA: YANKS) WHO WISH TO BEGIN FOLLOWING THE BEAUTIFUL GAME (AKA: SOCCER) AND NEED A STARTING POINT. IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR THE REST OF THE WORLD WHO GREW UP WATCHING FOOTBALL AND WILL MOST LIKELY BITCH ABOUT THE OPINIONS AND SUGGESTIONS IN THIS ARTICLE. THANK YOU AND HAVE A GREAT NIGHT.

You probably played it as a kid, maybe your kids play it now. What's the deal though, right? Why is the world so obsessed with a sport that a lot of Americans think is about as exciting as watching paint dry (or hockey?)

A friend of mine has been trying to get me to watch soccer for like 10 years now. Last August, it finally worked and I'm way into soccer these days. So why did it suddenly catch on with me this time? Big reasons were I could finally watch a bunch of games, I read up on the rules, and finally got a handle on how timekeeping works. Those three things along with how the Premiership works as far as relegation and promotion, all of the extra leagues/ tournaments like UEFA and the FA Cup, and reading about some of the great history and rivalries in the sport finally pushed me over the edge.

Really though it's just because I need an excuse to wave a lit road flare around in a crowd. Hi-o!!!!



Think that's crazy?



This dude is a REAL soccer fan.

Ok, ok, seriously. You want to stop being an ignorant American and start watching soccer, er, football. Where do you start?

1. Figure out a way to watch
If you have cable or satellite TV, chances are you either already have some soccer channels or have them available to you for a relatively low monthly fee in some kind of sports package. The networks you want to look for are (in no particular order) Fox Soccer Channel, Setanta, or the English feeds of Gol TV (look for the button that says "English" on the right if you go to their site). Some of these have other variations (I'm pretty sure there are two or three different Setantas, for instance), but basically you've got to have one of these channels available to you. NOTE: Yes, I realize ESPN shows soccer on it's various channels, but unless you've got the Deportes and can speak Spanish, you probably won't see it much (or see much soccer on the main ESPN). Great for if you like poker though.

If you don't have cable/ satellite or your provider doesn't offer soccer channels, you can go the broadband route (assuming of course, you have broadband internet- duh). Fox Soccer Channel and Setanta both offer broadband games and packages. Prices and availability vary, so click the links above if you're interested.

2. Learn the rules, er laws
I know, I know, learning the rules sucks, but there's really only a couple of rules you need to know about soccer to be able to watch (oh, and by the way, they're LAWS not rules)-

No hands- if you don't know this rule, you're lying or you're Sly Stallone.

Offsides- a little tough for us Americans who grew up watching basketball. The short version is the offensive team player can't get behind the last (except goalie, obviously) defensive team player unless they have the ball. There is a LOT more to it than that, but that brief explanation will get you through watching a match. For the in-depth version, click here.

Fouls- extremely subjective and like many aspects of soccer, are almost solely up to the discretion of the ref. Basically, a foul is when a player makes contact with another player without getting the ball first. Again, there are other times when a player can (or might not) be called for a foul- climbing up an opposing player to get in position for a header for instanct, or interfering with a goalie. Committing a foul will usually result in the other team getting a free kick, but if you foul somebody in the boxed-in area around the goal (called the penalty area), then the opposing team gets a penalty kick from the dot (which nearly always results in a goal).

If you want to read up on the rest of the laws of soccer (and find out where the word soccer came from), check out the wiki articles on Soccer, and the Laws.

3. Time keeping
Timekeeping in soccer works a little differently than other sports like football or basketball- namely in that the clock doesn't ever stop. I don't know why this is exactly, but soccer is a very old sport. A bunch of the world's greatest clubs were formed in the late 1800's, knowing that, it almost stands to reason that time doesn't stop in soccer because the stopwatch was invented after soccer was. I have no idea if that's true or not, but it sounds good.

In any case, the game clock doesn't stop for any reason in soccer. At the end of the first half (called, unsurprisingly, half-time), which is 45 minutes into the game, the ref may decide to add on some time to account for injuires, goal celebrations, or other events that have taken time away from the game. Typically, half-time is pretty much on time with the added time being anywhere from less than a minute to two or three at the most. Full time is the end of the match which happens at the end of 90 minutes. If the ref things time has been wasted in the second half, he can add on more time. Typically this is where you'll see time added in most matches. Most Premiership games get 3-5 minutes of stoppage time added after the 90th minute.

At this point, you should have a pretty firm grasp on the very basics of soccer. The best thing to do now is watch a ton of games from the different leagues. Premier League, La Liga, Serie A, and Bundesliga are generally considered to be the best and biggest, but don't discount MLS, Hyundai A, and the rest- watch any matches you can!

Oh, and come back in a few days/ weeks/ months for Part 2- The Different Leagues!